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Lessons Learned through Cake...and other Things


So I hit a low point this last week.  And it’s something I’m not proud of.  But I’m willing to write about it, because I know that realistically, many (if not all) of you have been there before. 

My Oliver turned 3.  Naturally, I had to plan the perfect birthday party.  Those who know me know this about me: I am a ridiculous perfectionist, which is sometimes good, but mostly bad.  In this case, it was bad. 

Months ago, we decided “Toy Story” would be the theme, so I began doing my Pinterest research.  My mom and I chose a particular design for a cake that we would construct together.  I’m not talking simple sheet cake.  Nope, this thing was the Prom King of all cakes…3 fancy layers, buttercream and fondant icing, intricate detail including lettering, 8 different colors, and cut-out graphics.  Insane is, perhaps, another word for it.

Well, of course, the night before the big shin-dig, Isaac, my teething 8-month old, decided to have a terrible, horrible night.  I ended up getting a total of 2 or 3 hours of sleep, and was then up by 3:30am for the day.  We still had some finishing touches to put on the cake, so I decided to get to work.  To make a long story short, I quickly discovered that there is a time for tackling a major endeavor that must meet the standards of a crazy perfectionist.  When one is sleep-deprived, has a fussy baby at their side, and is awake for the day at an ungodly hour…that is not the time.  My ambition ended up with me on the floor, weeping and wiping my eyes with a cloth diaper at 4:30am.  

Anyway, my reason for sharing this with you.  It seems as though I was crying over a cake.  But it was so much more than that.  I was exhausted.  I was frustrated.  I wanted things to be perfect.  It wasn’t panning out.  All of this for a 3-year old’s birthday party.  And let’s just be honest…Oliver will not look back and remember this birthday (or the cake) as he grows up.

And unfortunately, the weaknesses that I must reveal about myself are not limited to the cake fiasco.  Later that day at the party, I actually got upset with Oliver because he wasn’t acting the way I wanted him to at his party.  He wasn’t socializing enough with the friends that had come to celebrate with him.  Instead, he wanted to hang out with me and his dad.  This failed to meet my expectations of a cordial young man who would thank each friend for coming to his party, and would then happily play with them in the backyard.  Like I admitted earlier, I am ridiculous.

So…the lesson I have learned through this:  I often make the mistake of thinking I need to look as though I have it all put together.  Whether it’s a birthday party, or just having friends over for dinner, I need it all to look perfect.  But even worse than that, I want my children to be a certain way.  I place a lot of focus on caring what others think of them, and so I push hard for them to act like I want them to act. 

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s good to teach your kids how to have good social skills and be pleasant to others.  But it’s easy to fall into pushing them into a personality that is realistically not them.  My children are incredible gifts from God, and if I really thought about that every day, I wouldn’t expect them to be something they’re not.

I was slapped across the face about all this on Oliver’s actual birthday, the day after the party.  It was a Sunday morning.  I was rehearsing music at home before we left for church (I help lead worship for the kids).  I was going through a song called, “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.”  There is a part of the song that says:

“There’s elegance in all you create. 
Your grand designs leave us amazed. 
The wonders of the way we’ve been made
Speak of your power, tell of your grace.
So what am I gonna do with this life you gave me?
What can I do but live for your praise?”

My eyes filled with tears as I thought about what happened 3 years earlier.  God blessed me and Kevin with an amazing child, who He elegantly created to be an individual…a gift to us.  And for the short time that we have been given to raise him in our home, we have an enormous responsibility to do all that we can to honor God through the way we do that.

Yes, parenthood is exhausting.  Yes, it involves constant trial and error.  Yes, sometimes we hit those low points where we are at our worst.  But we must remind ourselves that God made our children.  He fearfully and wonderfully created each one of them. (Psalm 139:13-14…actually, read the whole chapter, because it’s awesome).  We must treat them as the gifts that they truly are.  It’s through God’s grace that He has allowed me to become a parent.  I pray that I can live for His praise through this responsibility with which He has entrusted me.

PS...Just in case you were wondering, the cake ended up turning out alright.  In fact, I am eating a piece right now as I type. 

Comments

  1. LRCFebruary 6, 2013 at 3:12 AM

    Hi Ashley,
    This morning I've been reading in my devotional about the Pharasees. (Matthew 23:23-31) How wicked they were! But how "perfect" they appeared on the outside. Take comfort in knowing that where you may not have it all together on the outside (let's get real--having two boys is rough, even when you have help!), your heart is right on the inside. Your loving, sweet spirit is more of a gift to those boys than any Toy Story cake, and where Oliver may not remember the cake, he will know YOU and Kevin, and ultimately God, which is the best gift you could ever gift him. Thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete

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