Love. I have actually struggled to write about this one, which is odd because love seems to be an obvious, right? When it comes to parenting, we all know that we are supposed to love our kids. Allow me to go out on a limb here and assume that we all do, in fact, love our kids. However, the more I have read this portion of the book (Losing Your Marbles/Playing for Keeps), and thought about it, I have come to the conclusion that love is not simple. But it’s so incredibly important. According to “Marbles,” “Love over time is the one thing that matters most.”
I typically try to put all of this in the context of my own experience as a parent. However, in this case, I think I will share my story as the result of love over time from my own mother and father.
My parents were so good at communicating, “I love you.” I never went to bed at night without hearing it. I never left for school in the mornings without hearing it. My parents never failed to tell me they were proud of me. They always made time to listen if I needed to talk. They even made a point to talk to me about things that, probably at the time, I did not want to hear…but they knew those things were important because they cared about me.
The love my mom and dad had for me was shown verbally, no doubt. But it was also shown through their intentional actions. I’m not saying that actions speak louder than words…because I’m a firm believer that words are vital. However, I will say that actions are just as important as words. After all, doesn’t it say in one of the most famous chapters of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, that “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal?” My parents showed me love through patiently helping me with my homework. I will never forget one night sitting at the dinner table with my dad, as he was attempting to help me with some dreaded math problems. Math was the worst…especially 4th grade geometry. Typically, my mom would be the one to help with this subject, while my dad would be the one with the red ink to edit our essays and reports. But on this particular evening, my mom must have been tied up with something else...one of my siblings, I’m sure. So my dad helped instead. It was a terribly frustrating experience, and I’m certain it wasn’t much fun for either of us. He could have easily thrown in the towel and told me to wait until my mom was available. Instead, he stuck with me, and somehow we completed the task together. I’m sure he has no recollection of that night. But as a 30-year old, I still remember…kids remember. Perhaps this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but to me, his actions spoke volumes.
My parents showed me love through participating in the things that were important to me. In the 12th grade, it was a long-standing tradition at my high school that the parents of the senior class work hard to put on an “After Prom Party” to take place after the Senior Prom dance. I’m not just talking about a lame party (that no one really attends) with tables of punch and cookies and a photo booth. This had the reputation of being the soiree of all soirees! The parents would work all year long to create elaborate sets and scenes that would, on the night of the event, transform the school into the chosen theme.
My senior year, the theme was Hawaii. And my mother, being the extremely talented artist that she is, volunteered countless hours of her time to paint detailed jungle and underwater scenes on large rolls of Tyvec®. She was a busy person, no doubt. I had 2 brothers and a sister, who needed her just as much as I did with our extensive list of extra-curricular activities. She was heavily involved in our church. She did laundry, made dinners every night, etc. But she knew how important that After Prom was to me, so she made time for it. I can still vividly see the fruits of her labor in my head, as I remember walking down the hallways of my school, admiring all that she had done…for me.
My eyes well up with tears as I think back. I am so thankful I never doubted that I was truly loved by the 2 people God primarily put in my life to show me the love that He has for me. This is the bottom line, folks. God clearly tells us to love over and over again in Scripture. Look up 1 John, Chapter 4. I encourage you to read the entire chapter. But here’s a sneak peak at this incredible truth:
When you’re already sleep deprived, and you’re up all night once again because your newborn has her days and nights mixed up, it’s hard to remember to love. When your toddler’s favorite word is, “no,” and you can’t get him to do anything you tell him to do, it’s hard to remember to love. When your child’s teacher calls you in for a special parent teacher conference to discuss a long list of infractions he committed at school, it’s hard to remember to love. When your teenager argues with everything you say, puts his earbuds in, and hides in his room to tune you out, it’s hard to remember to love.
But you have to, regardless of the stressful and not-so-glorious parts of parenting. Our kids need to know we will love them, even when they mess up. And when they do mess up, discipline them…because it’s out of love that you care enough to teach them right from wrong!
None of what I have said is earth-shattering. Neither is the chapter in, “Marbles.” But it’s an incredible reminder that God has commanded us to love Him…and in turn, love our kids…because “love over time is the one thing that matters most.”
I typically try to put all of this in the context of my own experience as a parent. However, in this case, I think I will share my story as the result of love over time from my own mother and father.
My parents were so good at communicating, “I love you.” I never went to bed at night without hearing it. I never left for school in the mornings without hearing it. My parents never failed to tell me they were proud of me. They always made time to listen if I needed to talk. They even made a point to talk to me about things that, probably at the time, I did not want to hear…but they knew those things were important because they cared about me.
The love my mom and dad had for me was shown verbally, no doubt. But it was also shown through their intentional actions. I’m not saying that actions speak louder than words…because I’m a firm believer that words are vital. However, I will say that actions are just as important as words. After all, doesn’t it say in one of the most famous chapters of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, that “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal?” My parents showed me love through patiently helping me with my homework. I will never forget one night sitting at the dinner table with my dad, as he was attempting to help me with some dreaded math problems. Math was the worst…especially 4th grade geometry. Typically, my mom would be the one to help with this subject, while my dad would be the one with the red ink to edit our essays and reports. But on this particular evening, my mom must have been tied up with something else...one of my siblings, I’m sure. So my dad helped instead. It was a terribly frustrating experience, and I’m certain it wasn’t much fun for either of us. He could have easily thrown in the towel and told me to wait until my mom was available. Instead, he stuck with me, and somehow we completed the task together. I’m sure he has no recollection of that night. But as a 30-year old, I still remember…kids remember. Perhaps this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but to me, his actions spoke volumes.
My parents showed me love through participating in the things that were important to me. In the 12th grade, it was a long-standing tradition at my high school that the parents of the senior class work hard to put on an “After Prom Party” to take place after the Senior Prom dance. I’m not just talking about a lame party (that no one really attends) with tables of punch and cookies and a photo booth. This had the reputation of being the soiree of all soirees! The parents would work all year long to create elaborate sets and scenes that would, on the night of the event, transform the school into the chosen theme.
My senior year, the theme was Hawaii. And my mother, being the extremely talented artist that she is, volunteered countless hours of her time to paint detailed jungle and underwater scenes on large rolls of Tyvec®. She was a busy person, no doubt. I had 2 brothers and a sister, who needed her just as much as I did with our extensive list of extra-curricular activities. She was heavily involved in our church. She did laundry, made dinners every night, etc. But she knew how important that After Prom was to me, so she made time for it. I can still vividly see the fruits of her labor in my head, as I remember walking down the hallways of my school, admiring all that she had done…for me.
My eyes well up with tears as I think back. I am so thankful I never doubted that I was truly loved by the 2 people God primarily put in my life to show me the love that He has for me. This is the bottom line, folks. God clearly tells us to love over and over again in Scripture. Look up 1 John, Chapter 4. I encourage you to read the entire chapter. But here’s a sneak peak at this incredible truth:
“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins…We love because he first loved us.” ~1 John 4:7-10, 19God reminds us that He first loved us. But then He also tells us about the responsibility we have as the recipients of that love. We are to, in turn, love Him and love others.
“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Low and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” ~Matthew 22:37-40We are to love Him first, and out of that, we love others…our children. Again, it seems simple, but it’s not.
When you’re already sleep deprived, and you’re up all night once again because your newborn has her days and nights mixed up, it’s hard to remember to love. When your toddler’s favorite word is, “no,” and you can’t get him to do anything you tell him to do, it’s hard to remember to love. When your child’s teacher calls you in for a special parent teacher conference to discuss a long list of infractions he committed at school, it’s hard to remember to love. When your teenager argues with everything you say, puts his earbuds in, and hides in his room to tune you out, it’s hard to remember to love.
But you have to, regardless of the stressful and not-so-glorious parts of parenting. Our kids need to know we will love them, even when they mess up. And when they do mess up, discipline them…because it’s out of love that you care enough to teach them right from wrong!
None of what I have said is earth-shattering. Neither is the chapter in, “Marbles.” But it’s an incredible reminder that God has commanded us to love Him…and in turn, love our kids…because “love over time is the one thing that matters most.”
Comments
Post a Comment